The Challenges of Adulthood

Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm not shy about telling anyone what's going on... hence this blog. Since it has been so long, I thought I would give an update and also let my friends and family see this experience through my eyes... In October of 2010 I turned 18. A big step into adulthood I'll say: I got to vote, I got a credit card and attempted to give blood (but I had low iron). However, I would've never guessed that my first months of being an adult would be the hardest of my life. Just two weeks after, my family received some devastating news: my grandma, the only grandparent that I had known my whole life, was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer at age 70. To my surprise I knew little about this type, but what I did know was that this was the "silent killer", meaning that it happened fast and because it happened fast, it was almost impossible to cure. In fact, most people didn't make it a year.

Now, this is a hard topic to talk about... You see, my grandma was the only consistent woman in my life. She's the only real mother I had ever known. She taught me and my sisters to read and write and most importantly she taught me about the Lord. We also shared the love of music (as did the rest of my family). When I was about 7 I was asked to sing a solo at my church for an Easter play... I can still see in my mind the picture of us in the car driving as she played the tape with the song "Mary, Did You Know". She was also the one who stood beside me every single night of the play dressed as the angel beside me. God blessed me with an incredible woman in my life... and after seeing her in December, only two months after her diagnosis, I realized that her time was coming soon. You know, I have this "theory", so to speak, that when Christians die it means that their work for the Lord on this earth was complete. However, no matter how much you love the Lord, or how firm your faith is, it's never easy to go through something this difficult.

To top all of this off, there were some issues with my family... not something to get into honestly, but a lot of times I found myself on my knees asking God to change the situation... not her having Cancer... but to bring us all together before she dies. I felt like we were running out of time because everyday I came home from work, something else was wrong... again, I would sit in my room at night crying out to the Lord for strength... strength to get through this and strength for my family... I tried to not cry around my sister and my dad... I knew this was hard for them both and I wanted them to know that I was here for them. That's the incredible thing about having a relationship with Him... He will give you the arms to lean on when you need them, but also allow you to be the strength for others in need too!

As my grandma progressed, and my family began to accept it... we got another phone call on March 3rd from my Aunt Vickie who had been caring for my grandma. She told my dad that the time was near and for him to come out to Tennessee to be with her. We all knew what was about to happen... but I felt as ready as I could be. That night my dad and my sister Olivia arrived in Tennessee. My grandma was still coherent as she met my nephew Connor for the first time... I am glad that my sister was able to make it... While all this was going on, I kept thinking about how badly I wanted to talk to my grandma. Then on March 4th at 10:10 a.m. I got a phone call from her. It had to be one of the most bitter sweet calls of my life. She told me good-bye and for me to be a "good girl". We also talked about her love for Cheerios since that was what I was eating. After I hung up the phone with her, I praised God... NO LIE... I lifted up my hands and thanked Him for giving me that opportunity, that closure.

That night, my sister and I shared my dad's bed... and as we started to fall asleep the phone rang... my sister Andrea answered and as she began to sob I felt like I couldn't catch my breath... I knew that it was over and at 1:45 a.m. on March 5th, my grandma passed away at the age of 71. It was a weird feeling to think about her being dead and I knew that this would be something that would take time to heal from. It wasn't until that Saturday night when I talked to my dad that I began to think of all the things she would miss... I think it's normal to ponder on those things. But, he told me that as she began to drift away he kissed her on the forehead and told her he loved her... what a sweet blessing. She was afraid of dying alone, yet she was surrounded by family and my dad was afraid that he wouldn't be able to be with her, yet God gave him that. Another reason to love the Lord!

Its been about two weeks since I lost my grandma and I there are days where I go to call her and I know she's not there anymore. However, I have things that remind me of her and things that will keep her memory alive: her night gown that my dad brought me (still smells just like her), photographs and of course her voicemail. My grandma Phyllis was the most incredible woman I have ever known... she endured a lot, she loved, she lost and she lived... I know that in my eyes she will forever be my motivation for going the extra mile, so I can make her proud.

From Conviction Comes Conformation & Encouragement

Okay, here I go… when we’re busy with our everyday lives it’s easy to be blinded to what God is doing. I know this first hand now as I spent my summer serving and not realizing the things that God was preparing me for. So often we make plans only to see them changed because our will is not God’s will. I learned that at Biola and this time, it hit harder. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to act. I played Dorothy my Freshmen year and continued to excel in other roles. So, I was no surprise that I was super stoked this year to be a Senior in my drama class… but two and a half weeks into it I was faced with a decision. A tough one at that. Someone had told me that I acted different in that class.. Of course I knew I did cause I was acting but it struck a chord with me. I began to pray about it and asked around. Not one person could say anything about it.. I was still unsure what was meant by that comment and I felt that something needed to be done. Earlier in the summer, I had plans to do so much after school only to have that shot down because Drama was a later class… now I see that it wasn’t God’s plan for me to forget about those other options. Even though many people couldn’t understand it, I knew God was convicting me.. The question was: “What did I want more?” An extracurricular activity to put on my college app or a stronger relationship with the one who changed my life? The decision was easy. However, I needed conformation that this was the right thing to do. So I picked up this incredible book I had been readying about relationships, fiction and interesting. When I began to read the next marked page I came across a familiar scripture found in 1 Corinthians 15: 33 “Bad company corrupts good morals.” That’s all I needed. I knew that my witness was being jeopardized. So after much convincing to my dad and talking with my principal, I dropped the class. It was the whole reason I wanted to be at school, but it was true… I didn’t like who I was in that class because it was easy for me to be influenced….unfortunately. Now, some say that it would’ve been easier to stay and just practice on my behavior. Yes, that’s true. That being said God gave me the opportunity to share my beliefs and show others my love for Him by walking away… Many who hear this or read it may not get, especially if you’re not a Christian. But God showed me and gave me so many amazing people to encourage me through this whole thing even with my classmates who took the news hard. Since then, I have been able to plan out other things like volunteering at church, working out at the gym, and even going home to take a nap which I haven’t done since Freshmen year. God is good and in times when we have to make a tough decision, I will encourage you to make the one that will draw you closer to the Savior… Until next time, Blessings and Love :) Alayna

I Made A Vow....

It has really been a busy time for me! The Lord has given me so many opportunities to share my faith and morals, even though it wasn’t easy. There will always be persecution no matter what your talking about. I hold it very high that I plan to wait for marriage to have sex and I have no problem talking to others about it. I take it very seriously my vow to side hug guys. I also hold it high that I will not date during high school. It does get hard when you see tons of couples around, but I know that God has allowed it to be an opportunity for me to draw closer to Him. I love the discussions I have with people about “side-hugs” and no dating. They have never heard of such a thing (I blame Joshua Harris for my new found way!). I continue to strive at making it known and being an example as Paul told Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:12. I know in my heart that He will show me in His perfect timing who my husband is. While I am single though, I am able to draw close to him and make a personal relationship with Him first. We should never forget our first love and my first love is Jesus.

Even though I don’t agree with dating for several reason, I don’t put down others for that choice. I don’t know anyone who agrees with my personal decision but they do understand and crazy enough they are supportive. What I tell them is that God called me to do this, and He doesn’t call everyone. I know that in elementary school I was “in love” with any boy that said “hi” to me. If I continued to do that I would have a very long list of boyfriends! I do pray for several of my friends who are in committed relationships and for many friends and family members who have been broken hearted. I take comfort in Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit”. It is scary to think about getting hurt, because its almost unavoidable. But it is nice to know that I serve a God who is bigger than that. I am very strong in my quest to keep my vows that I made to my Father, even in my young age. I wear a ring that will one day be swapped for a wedding ring my future spouse will give me. Until then it represents being married to Christ. I made a vow at an even younger age about abstinence before I put this ring on. But on September 22, 2007 I made it a symbol so all could see. I pray daily for that man and for the Lord to show me. I never know when, it could be soon it could be years. I know that my relationship with Him is so amazing that it will be clear. So to anyone who is reading this, I hope you will see that you’re worthy of an amazing man or woman. God will give that to you! He designed that relationship but you need to be patient. Even if that means not getting married for a long time. He is faithful in showing and faithful in providing. Don’t doubt. Don’t give in. Just wait.

Something to Blog About....My Weekend in L.A.

Wow! What an incredible weekend in L.A. I feel so blessed to see how God changed my heart. Even though I am young I pray often about my future husband and it was amazing to go to my first wedding after driving 4.5 hours to get there. Luz Gonzalez, a long time friend and mentor became Luz De Anda when she married David on Saturday March 27th. It was so sweet to share that moment with my Calvary Chapel family. God had confirmed less than a week before that this would be my new home. I am excited to be there and fellowship with so many godly people. I felt God’s spirit as Joseph and Beth led worship before Luz walked down the aisle. I could go on and on about the wedding, but I was so happy that I could make it there. On Sunday, Dad took me and Andrea to the Griffith Park Observatory. It was sweet to be able to spend some time with my family as we hiked for what felt like forever to get there (my feet hurt like crazy). Afterwards we went to the beach and I was reminded of God’s beauty. I spent time reading and spending time with family. The most life changing time was Monday morning. I was set to visit the college I hoped to go to. So many thoughts went through my mind as to why I was thinking about… Yuma! I was so convinced that I was to attend Biola but my visit just allowed God to change my heart. I now see that He may want me to stay for a few more years. Attend AWC then transfer. I never had thought about the many ministries I have here. KCFY, Calvary Chapel, the several Bible studies. I feel like the Lord may be showing me other plans He has for me. Biola would be an amazing experience, but the money, on top of leaving the ministries the Lord has given me may be not worth leaving. I am still not sure, but I ask for your prayers as I focus on what God has planned for me and the ministries He has given me to work with. Thank you, Lord for Your love and compassion. Guide me though this time and allow me to see the plans You have for me. Blessings and love to all, Alayna.

Bring Joy

These past few months have been amazing. After finally forgiving someone who had severly hurt me in the past, it felt like God had opened a million doors and told me to pick which on to start with. I choose to start a ministiy at my school. I hold a small Bible Study with three girls once a week. One of these girls hs stuck a cord with me, meaning that I feel like God is going to use me to bring joy. So far I believe He has. Her mom was diagnosed with cancer over the summer. A blessing because He used her illness to bring them all to Him. I have had several opportuntes to spend time with her. The most recent was yesturay. I visited her at the hospital after her family had recieved some devistating news. When I saw her all she could do was tell me how strong her mother was because of God. What a testimony! I gave her a cd and told her to play it for her mom. It has tons of upbeat music and some slow ones. I continue to pray for them and I ask that you do too. God is good! Never ask whym just say thank you because He has a plan. Blessings and Love, Alayna J. Rom. 1:16